Nicole's Notes

I feel awful, and upset all out of relation to what our connection would call for. Maybe it's not that I feel bad because I'll miss him, but that I feel bad because I won't? He was never a major part of my life. He had a tendancy to invite himself along, which we actively tried to avoid. He also always seemed so young, you know? Exhaustively so, at times. In retrospect, it seems really petty that we'd gripe about this overly-friendly guy who just wanted to hang out with us. I know what I did or did not do was not an influence on his death, which came years after I last saw him, but I feel guilty for not including Keith in more things.

I guess it's one of those life-lessons: appreciate the folks around you.

It could also be that he's the first one of my school contemporaries to pass away. We were a fairly close class of 40-or-so. Obviously not that close because I didn't know Keith had moved to New Zealand. But I could tell you roughly what's going on with a lot of them. We all got together to celebrate knowing each other for 10 years over Labour Day weekend.

Hrmm. And there's the rub. I said "We all". That's just not true. Mikie wasn't there; he lives in Australia. Sean wasn't there, and I don't know why. Neither Alex the guy nor Alex the gal were there. In fact, there were more absentees than attendees, now that I think of it. Oh, a lot of them I got the scoop on from other people, but... it still seems wrong and exclusivist or something. But there's no way you can keep in touch with everyone you know, is there?

It's definitely something to ponder.