Nicole's Notes

I think the most frustrating thing about this whole chemo experience is that everyone keeps telling me that I should give it time. Everything will heal, the hair will grow back, etc., etc., in time. Great. Not what a not-very patient person wants to hear. I want the magical cure. And I want it now. Even better, I want it yesterday.

Today was the first day I left the house in 2 weeks (not including my trip to the hospital to complain about my lips in person last Friday). We were out of kitty litter and Jason's in a tizzy getting ready for another documentary trip so I went to Petco. He's flying to Chicago, then driving to Dallas or Houston. I know, I know, I knew he was nuts when I married him. But still, this seems a bit insane, even for him.

One of the other fancy dancy items I picked up at Petco (besides the ubiquitous kitty litter) was a collar with a bell. When they say cats move on velvet feet, they were definately talking about Penny the Chemo Kitty. She's not thrilled about the bell, but at least we can keep track of her now, and she can't sneak up and scare the bejesus out of us (yes, that's a technical term).

Speaking of which, she's discovered how to open the door from the kitchen to the hallway. The second floor has now been annexed by the country of Catvania. Last night she appeared in the master bedroom and hopped on the bed. At one point, when I was sleeping on my stomach, she was curled up on my back. Very weird. But then, what did you expect from a cat living with us?

Jason got me a Rio Cali portable mp3 player/radio for Xmas. It's very cute and very small (fits in the palm of my hand). Only problem is, the software doesn't work with WindowsNT, my beloved operating system that rarely ever bluescreens (which sets it apart from every other Windows OS as far as I can tell). My PC is also currently sans speakers, so I can't listen to the mp3s that are on it. But never fear! Laptop is here! Running XP, so that the software works. Hooked into our home network via a very unhappy ethernet cable stretching from somewhere in the nether realms of the basement. So last night I had fun deciding what to put on the Rio (everything!).

Since my lips are healing, I've been using today to make all the calls I've been putting off. The call to the insurance company (the one who covers our health care through Jason's work) to find out why they're not paying for my biopsy analyses. They claim that the lab isn't part of their network, but the hospital, where the cells and tumour were removed is a part of it, and it's not like I had a say in where they sent them to be analyzed.

Then I called the other insurance agency (the one who covers me for diability through my employer) to find out whether I needed to file more paperwork to get my absence from work in December qualified as "short term disability" (which means I get 60% pay, instead of nothing). Answer: yes. Phooey. Also, my absence for these past two weeks will need to be accounted for. I used my 5 precious personal days to cover last week, but maybe I can somehow gain them back by having the week declared part of my short(ish) term disability. Argh. Stupid privatized health care. Not that I know how I'd fare back home in Canada, trying to do short term, on and off, disability. Probably have to fill in some form in quadruplicate and file it in Ottawa. Personally. With my passport, Health Card, and 6 notary publics (3 French, 3 Bilingual) on hand.

I have to admit, I'm somewhat disappointed with the wigs I ordered. They look so... wig-like. I mean I've never been one to overly fuss with my hair (hell, if I remember to brush it before leaving the house, I figure I'm doing well!), and these look... fussy. I'll probably return them (I have 60 days to decide). So I found a place that sells plain old hair attached to headbands and we'll see how that works. The American Cancer Society's TLC catalog carries something like that (it's really a velcro strap with some hair hanging from it, meant to be worn under a hat or scarf), but they only have it in stock in grey. Um, so not me. Thanks anyhow.

The ladies at work who've been through chemo (there's 2) both say their hair came back grey. Not cool. I am so not thrilled by that thought. Still, both of them have kids my age, so maybe it's an age-related thing (I hope!). Maybe mine will grow back cobalt blue, and corkscrew curly! Hey, I can dream, can't I?